miracle

good morning. from my meditation today:

My Declaration of Self-Esteem: "I am me. In all the world there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it".--Virginia Satir

did you see the amazing moon last night/this morning? i'm not sure if it is full but it is big & bright & fabulous! bring on the cold front! mr. stephen slept until 5 a.m.! thats 8.5 hours people. woo-hoo. keep it coming.

so after a convo i had yesterday i am thinking about where i was eight years ago today. 3 days before i took what i hope is to be my last drink/drug. all i can say is wow. how could i possibly doubt the power that exists in and around me?
on a side note i think i have finally found peace with calling my god "it" versus "he". in this instance pronoun acceptanc is very important for me and i've struggled for, well, eight years now. its neutral, gender neutral, and i find i can connect better with that.
anyway - eight years ago i was at the "jumping off place" where i could not picture continuing to live life the way i was, but also could not imagine it any other way. it was unbareable, painful, hopeless, scary, ugly. i was going down and i was SO pissed off about it, i wanted to take you with me. i thought that that was it, stuck forever in that life.
but here i am. still me. but my goodness, such a better me. healthier. happier. not QUITE so crazy. FREE. from - addiction, myself (mostly), fear of the future, failures of the past, anger. thats not to say these things do not appear for me, regularly even, but they are not my permanent state of being.

the sun is coming up and it is pink & purple & blue. i used to watch the sun come up in a drunken & drug induced craze & watch people leave for work & their lives as i was going home to pass out. i HATED you normal people. I SO WANTED TO BE ONE OF YOU. and here i am.

miracles do happen.