update

i am pleased to report that the utterly awful, terrible FATIGUE that accompanies the first trimester of pregnancy has passed. i have some energy back although the getting up in the middle of the night and pressure in my pelvis has begun. i am really excited about the journey of pregnancy this time, i've always liked being with child (even when i'm a hormonal psychopath) but this time i am really searching to have a spiritual experience, or i guess allow myself to connect with the experience, and be an active participant in whats happening with me. i've started to read a book that was recommended to me from a couple of different women and am enjoying so far. its called birthing from within and i think it is going to be very helpful because i have never been in labor. meaning having been induced & taken an epidural with both babes, i have never labored non medicated, not in a hospital bed. so i have no idea what i am doing and am a little nervous, but mostly just excited. its all so new because with the boys i just didn't care really, as long as they were born healthy, it really didn't matter to me how. i'm not sure where the change came from, well that's not true. i think its had a lot to do with meeting some women that have had really empowering and also terrible birth experiences. they have given me the courage and belief in myself that as i woman i am made to do this, that i am capable of doing it and that i am worthy to fight for it. so more will be revealed on that front.
emotionally i've been pretty well, its been kind of tough at home because mike is so busy with school this summer and really feeling the pressure & stress, so after he gives to the boys he doesn't have too much energy left to deal with my pregnant ass. this too shall pass. he will graduate in may (yippee!!!) and take some time before he starts his masters. i really am so proud of him and the perseverance he has practiced with school. he started back when we moved in together EIGHT years ago, i am so happy for him that the end is in sight.
i'm really looking forward to the trip the boys and i are taking to visit my mom this weekend. Canada here we come. i will not have to cook or clean for one week....thanks mom, the queen is coming! i am only a little apprehensive about traveling alone with them, especially with the amount of "emotional outbursts" mason has been having lately. but really there is not too much i can do but try & plan well. i'll let you know how it goes.
the boys are awesome. mason has been having a rough couple of weeks, i think he is just bored and ready to go back to school. next summer will be filled with camps people, a lot of camps. i think stephens vocabulary has tripled in the last couple of months. he understands absolutely everything and can and does say pretty much anything. if you ask him where mommas baby is he pats his own belly then pats mine. such a sweet boy. i am so grateful that i get to enjoy them!
oh and congratulations to my old boss christa and the birth of her daughter. so happy for you, can't wait to meet her and hear what dawson thinks of his little sister.

bebe update

i went back today to the midwives to have an ultrasound to determine a more accurate due date. it turns ourt i am FOURTEEN AND A HALF weeks along! due on january 11th. baby looks good. the only potential issue, whiich my midwife assured me was a non-issue, is that i have a low lying placenta. she said it is not previa, nor is it marginal or partial, just low lying. (which means it is close to my cervix. if the placenta covers the cervix at delivery it means a c-section would be necessary as the baby could not get out) but she assures me she is not worried, just wanted me to know to watch out for any spotting after certain "activities".
i go back in five weeks for my checkup and anatomy scan in which we will hopefully find out gender :) i am sooo relieved to be this far along. its easier to breathe and really get excited. its been strange because we've known for so long, just told everyone a couple of weeks ago, and now i'm in my second trimester. moving fast it feels like.

oh baby oh baby....oh baby

i started this post a few weeks ago and am finally wiling to share it. so the big news is that i am pregnant. yes, again. yes, with number three. yes, i am crazy. mike says he will hold me solely responsible for whatever chaos ensues as a result of having another child. we are super excited! i am anywhere from 9ish to 11ish weeks along, which puts me due sometime in january or february. i will know more definitively next friday once i have a more high-def ultrasound. we went monday to our first appointment with the midwife group. (which is a change i am going with on this pregnancy. i have done the "dr. route" twice before, both times induced, both times with an epidural. i am looking for a completely different birth experience) so she was AWESOME. she did do an ultrasound and i never cease to be amazed at how much they form so quickly. it was low-resolution so she couldn't say for sure how far along i am. but we got to see/hear babys heart beat and he/she was SO active. below are some notes i've made over the last couple of weeks:
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because i know i'll forget if i don't write it down. because, yes, i have PREGNANCY BRAIN..... ALREADY!!! YAY!!!!!!

i think one of the reasons why i have not been blogging is because i have had this super big news that we weren't sharing yet so most of what i have to say is related to that and would have given away my current status. like "i'm tired, i feel like i'm going to puke, i'm tired, my back hurts, i am worried something bad will happen with this pregnancy, i'm tired" ...etc....

we found out we were expecting again of course immediately because we have been trying. well and when i say trying i mean i got my iud taken out in april and we conceived within a month. man, we sure can make kids! so its a long road from conception to a comfortable time to share the news with the world.

i took my preggo test on memorial day and got an immediate verification to something i was pretty sure about, i was already feeling tired and light headed so was pretty sure. we told mason that afternoon and he was so excited. he has been saying he wants another baby, a sister to be precise. so i asked him what he would say if i told him there was a baby in my belly and he said "cool" so i said "well, there is a baby in my belly" and he looked up at me and smiled really big and said "nuh-uh" and i said uh-huh. and he said something along the lines of awesome. since then he asks me if the baby is moving yet, is the baby coming soon, will rub my belly, etc. i am so looking forward to this journey with him because he is old enough to GET what is happening, and can experience it with us. to add on to this thought last week we were laying in bed and mason asked where the baby came from. now we have had conversations about how babies are made, that they are in mammas belly, etc. but he has never asked such DETAILED quiestions. he wanted to know how baby will come out of my belly. so i told him. he looked very thoughtful and said "but it is so small" and i told him yes dear it is small but it stretches when baby comes. he did a little butthead laugh from beavis & butthead and said "unbelievable". yes, unbelievable.

i have not been to the midwives yet so am not sure when my due date is. it will either be in january or febuary (long story as to why i'm not sure but has to do with iud removal and questionable ovulation) so i am either at 6 or 9 weeks and have already gained 5 pounds. argh. i have not been going to the gym because, well i'm tired and don't want to. i can see the battle is already in progress. i keep telling myself when the boys go back to school in august it will be easier to go. we'll see, we'll see.

PREGGO OBSERVATIONS:

#1 i have a certain way i apparently like to sleep when pregnant as it started almost immediately again this time. on side, top leg thrown over, snuggling pillow. while not pregnant this makes my back hurt, but is sooo the way i sleep knocked up. (wow, knocked up. that was charming)

#2 i am a man hater at the moment. i am reading these books that are based in the middle ages and all of the fictional-yet-based-on-truth truths about women have been really pissing me off. really. even though i know its 2009 people but.... anyway. my hormones are being channeled into being pissed off.

#3 i cannot live without coffee. but though pre-pregnancy i drank it cold with a splash of milk and agave the thought of that makes me want to puke. so now its warm with a bunch of milk and sugar. weird.

#4 i am mean. to my huband. at night.