hello size 8

so with the risk of sounding extremely vain i am going to gush about the fact that i bought my first pair of size 8 jeans in a loooong time today. there are a couple of reasons why this thrills me. the first being that i am the mother of two and gained 60 & 50 LBs with each pregnancy and haven't seen a size 8 since i was in highschool (and the ten year reunion is coming up this year!). the second and most important for me is the change in lifestyle that this is a result of. the excercise i now nourish my body with on a somewhat regular basis. the better food choices, well sometimes! the fact that i never thought i would be able to make these changes, and have, with some help. its kind of funny that i would feel the need to share this. i guess because i was just telling mike the other day that i think i am a strange breed of woman in the vanity department. i just, well, really don't care too much. the sagging boobs, the stretch marks, my face, my hair. i'm generally happy with what i've been given, don't place TOO much importance on it anyway. don't get me wrong, i like to look nice, be skinny, what have you. it just doesn't keep me up nights, ya know? i guess i should feel blessed, and i do, that at least there is ONE thing i don't obsess about! ;-)

we went to a funeral yesterday for mike's uncle david. he was actually mikes moms' first cousins' husband. i think after 6 years of marriage i am getting some clarity on his family and who's related to who and how, they are a big freakin family. anyway, what i wanted to share was that its been really cool to watch mike, and myself for that matter, grow over the years. an interesting barometer for us has been our mental/emotional state around cottingham family gatherings. they are an educated, succesful & wealthy bunch. the kind of people that i used to feel like a little kid around (well i was/am young, but i mean kiddie table little kid. like 5) anyway to be able to show up shake hands, give hugs, and feel like i actually BELONG! not because i share the same education, or career/financial success. but because i am a human being. just like them. no better, no worse. just people, gods kids. wow. i used to shake going into those kinds of situations. and to have had the oppurtunity to watch my dear husband grow, as well. when i met his mom for the first time i could feel the discomfort around both of them. their relationship was new again and they were learning how to relate to one another in a healthy way. to see that, and to see it now it is nothing short of miraculous. miraculous. so to see him stand tall, not stutter or say 'um' half a dozen times in one sentence is AWESOME! now i can't lie the career/financial success does dazzle me a bit. but hey man, alot of people have ambition that i just don't have. cheers to them!
so they say self esteem comes from doing esteemable things. like showing up for family. things like that. i think its true. when i live only to serve myself i'm not aware of those around me. so i can't "show up" for them. but when i break out of the bubble then i can see you. and me. and actually get to be a part of some super cool things. and then feel pretty cool about myself, and you for that matter, as a result.