i really can get addicted to anything

so i went to the book store on thursday and picked up a copy of twilight. i had to see what all of the ruckuss was over this young adult teen vampire love story. yeah, i read the first AND second book in 3 days. she's no anne rice but i immediately got hooked in to the characters (although i must confess i was getting a little over the love story by the end of the first book) but it quickly redeemd itself when the plot thickened. needless to say i am a twilight junkie and am looking forward to seeing the movie. i definitley think that a little escapism is healthy, but uh, yeah. put down the book lady.

i have no idea whats wrong with me lately. i have been in the dumps quite a bit. feeling sad, overwhelmed, like i just want to give up (on what i'm not sure). i had a good, much needed, cry at my meeting this morning. i heard many things i needed to hear. i heard that we all have what we need inside of us. courage. love. goodness. its all there just waiting to be tapped into. i heard that god appreciates effort. i hope so much that that is true. i feel like a failure so often in my attitude and actions around my family. (intellectually i know i am a good wife & mother and that i am making progress - but sometimes it FEELS like its not good enough.) i was told that bad mothers don't sit around wondering if they are good mothers. i heard that practicing patience & tolernace is so very important, i guess i'm supposed to do that with myself too, huh? i heard not to give up.
i think at the end of the day i am damn hard on myself. i wonder if that means i am too hard on all of you? don't we tend to reflect, or project, or whatever, that kind of stuff? needless to say i am still here. sometimes i just want to run away from this beautiful life and hide. start over. live selfishly. sometimes i don't want to sweep the floor, AGAIN. don't want to do laundry. wipe runny noses. get up tp feed the baby. on and on. but i do. because really it is a privelege and an honor and a pleasure, mostly.

so three things i'm grateful for:
the health of my children
caramel filled ghiradelli milk chocolate
bedtime :-)