hallelujah, it is over. it has been awful, not because anything was any different than it was last week. i just reached overload i think. i have a cold, stephen has a cold, i've had some not so fun drama with my sister, don't get enough sleep, it was the anniversary of my dads death, i was preparing for mike to leave for the weekend to fish, etc...
i need to get better at taking time for myself, especially for the remainder of the summer while mason is home. i have this mommy/wifey guilt crap that i should be home - thats crazy i am home plenty, thank you. i do not know how women stay home full time with 2, 3, 4 dear god 5....... kids. i salute you, you are more woman than i.
i got a much needed break this a.m., mike took mason over to his moms this morning before work and she brought him home around 1. i am a new woman, its amazing what 6 hours can do.
so i am going to touch on some of the aforementioned points - the first being my dad. he died 9 years ago at the age of 47 due to diabetes related illness. wow, 9 years, i can't believe it. 47 years young, i was 18. i often wonder what it would be like to have a dad as an adult, what type of relationship we would have. one thing i know for certain is that he would have LOVED having two grandsons. poor guy had three daughters (he let us put barette's in his hair when we were little - that really says something about a man i think) and for most of his life was even stuck with all girl dogs, until hank came along - who was a teacup yorkie, by the way. he died at the beginning of the end of my downward spiral into drug addiction & alcoholism, i attribute part of me being able to get sober so young to the pain i felt after he was gone. so, i miss him. alot. i love you dad, wish i could have gotten to know you more.
mike is off fishing this weekend - its him and four of his buddies on boliver peninsula in a little one bedroom house. and let me just say his buddies are big guys, i don't even want to imagine the snoring (and god knows what else) that will be taking place the next two nights. i hope they catch fish, they never catch anything.....
so me and my two guys at home taking it easy, right now the silence is very nice.
the next thing is the drama-rama with my sister. i think what i will say about that is sometimes it is so hard to know what, how & when to say things to the people i love. i struggle with personal integrity & authenticity and really is it any of my freakin business in the first place. so i had a difficult conversation with one of the most near & dear people in my life and essentially told her i can't have a relationship with her right now, i just don't know how. so i'm praying alot and trying to let go because i am indeed powerless over her life. i hope she knows that if she ever really needs me i will always be there, that i love her deeply and think she is beautiful and completely worthy of a happy, peaceful, awesome life. i don't know if you read my blog, i hope you do.
so i'm sad and i miss my big sister.
Brothers
Stephen Thompson
Mason Owen
Nicholas Buchanan
About Me
cool blogs i read
-
-
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One2 years ago
-
100 Short Boy Names2 years ago
-
-
Stop Punching Women In The Face9 years ago
-
Fun.11 years ago
-
Come On Over to Our New Pad, MOMocrats.com12 years ago
-
-
-
-
-
3 comments:
Hi KB...I am sorry that you are missing your dad. Today is the 4th anniversary of my loved one's death and I still mourn what could have been and what once was. I am so proud of you and maybe no one tells you that, but you a a strong, sharp, sassy chic who means a lot to me. You have set great examples for me and others who have watched you over the years. It is so sad to have to sever the ties of "IMMEDIATE" (what ever that means) family, but there is some relief (sometimes a surprisingly large amount) when you actually say you are done and you STAY done. It is sad, but also hopefully you will find a certain peace knowing that what you have done is enough. How nice is it to be healthy with YOUR (MIKE and the boys) family? Did I say healthy???? Haha. Well, anyway, I love you KB. I'll try to pull my head outta my a@# and call you real soon!
xoxo
Lauren
KB, I still think about and miss your dad, too, if you can believe it. He was such an awesome human being. Honestly, I had no idea what a father-daughter rerlationship should have been like until I met you guys. No, I'm sure he wasn't perfect, but he was a lot closer than so many men get. He always was so kind and loveing and accepting of me even though I wasn't the best influence (let's face it, none of us was ;)). He would have totally loved to be a grandfather of two boys, but I'm sure he's enjoyed watching it all from where ever he is, too. :)
And fights with family (sisters especially) suck. I wish you luck with that. You know I never agree with how Vera runs her life, but you have to remember that whether you support their decisions is not important. You just have to love them inspite of that. It gets easier once you learn how to seperate the action from the person. {{HUG}}
Post a Comment