Wednesday, January 28, 2009
whats new
stephen is in his second month of mothers day out at the church down the street. he is doing very well. he of course cries when i drop him off but has a great time once i am gone, or so they say! we're still not walking, but if i've learned anything its that truly you cannot make your kids do anything! they grow on their own time, and why walk when you have a mommy that will carry you? he is getting much more vocal and communicative. he waves hi and bye-bye. asks whats that? says da-da frequently as well as brother & cat. he shakes his head no. its amazing how much he understands at 14 months old. if he's hungry he goes to his highchair (or reaches down my shirt!) we're down to nursing twice a day and i am really working on breaking him of his nursing in the wee hours of the morning. he has learned to climb up the ladder into the fort in the back yard, goodbye the days of him being in the backyard with minimal supervision. (yes i let me one year old play back there without me. his brothers there, and i check out the window. ok, i probably shouldn't let my four year old supervise the baby. whatever) he has 16 teeth now and loves to bite and hit me. good times. he loves it when daddy chases him around on the floor and has found a "safe zone" behind the side table.
mason is doing extremely well in school & will become an afternoon worker int he spring. this means instead of being made to have rest time he will work with the older children. he is learning to write his name and is starting to draw pictures, rather than just scribble-scrabble as he calls it. he's really into star wars the clone wars and loves to run around with his light saber. he asked me why darth vader is not in clone wars last night. i tried to explain that anniken skywalker is darth vader before he joined the dark side, this really upset him. maybe this conversation was a little premature. it is quite confusing and a little upsetting, even to me. apparently he has been asking mike how he got into my belly before he was born. so we are figuring out how to best explain this to him, without being too graphic, but yet honestly. i feel there is no shame in the birds & bees convo. and why the heck do we say birds & bees anyway?
both of the boys had an awesome time when grandma & grandpa came from a visit a couple of weeks ago from canada. they LOVED having bailey, their golden retriever, here. mason has been asking alot about what happened to sadie after they left (that was our beagle that ran away 2 years ago) he's missing the furry four legged friend companion. one day. just not today, we'll get another dog. maybe when there are no more diapers or nightime feedings happening!
freedom house is rocking & rolling. we've ben open for almost 2 months and have been succesful so far. we're keeping at least a few guys in at a time and have been full a couple of times. the drama is definitely there, which we expected. and know is just the nature of the beast. mike started back to school and will be kept busy taking 9 hours on top of his jobby-job, on top of freedom house. so all in all we're good. i've been in a constant state of funkiness, trying to get out. staying busy with the boys and the service work the man upstairs has been hurling at me. i'm thinking the message is "get the hell out of your own head lady and think about someone else". i'm trying.
mason is doing extremely well in school & will become an afternoon worker int he spring. this means instead of being made to have rest time he will work with the older children. he is learning to write his name and is starting to draw pictures, rather than just scribble-scrabble as he calls it. he's really into star wars the clone wars and loves to run around with his light saber. he asked me why darth vader is not in clone wars last night. i tried to explain that anniken skywalker is darth vader before he joined the dark side, this really upset him. maybe this conversation was a little premature. it is quite confusing and a little upsetting, even to me. apparently he has been asking mike how he got into my belly before he was born. so we are figuring out how to best explain this to him, without being too graphic, but yet honestly. i feel there is no shame in the birds & bees convo. and why the heck do we say birds & bees anyway?
both of the boys had an awesome time when grandma & grandpa came from a visit a couple of weeks ago from canada. they LOVED having bailey, their golden retriever, here. mason has been asking alot about what happened to sadie after they left (that was our beagle that ran away 2 years ago) he's missing the furry four legged friend companion. one day. just not today, we'll get another dog. maybe when there are no more diapers or nightime feedings happening!
freedom house is rocking & rolling. we've ben open for almost 2 months and have been succesful so far. we're keeping at least a few guys in at a time and have been full a couple of times. the drama is definitely there, which we expected. and know is just the nature of the beast. mike started back to school and will be kept busy taking 9 hours on top of his jobby-job, on top of freedom house. so all in all we're good. i've been in a constant state of funkiness, trying to get out. staying busy with the boys and the service work the man upstairs has been hurling at me. i'm thinking the message is "get the hell out of your own head lady and think about someone else". i'm trying.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
my turn
16 things about me, as inspired from brene brown at ordinary courage:
1. i have a crossed eye and used to wear big red glasses all through grade school.
2. you can find me on facebook randomly throughout the day
3. i love lilies (preferably star-gazer) and big, old oak trees. and the smell of gardenias, and my kids after a bath. yum.
4. i want to live in a smaller city one day, either by the mountains or the water
5. i love to sing (and unfortunately don't do it well. mason tells me to stop)
6. when my sisters and i get together we are known to frequently quote old movies and laugh, a lot. apparently we do this extremely loudly
7. i love my children, and they make me insane. i want another child. i really want a girl, but will be grateful for another cutie-patootie boy
8. i love to smoke menthol cigarettes, i know this is not conducive to this "healthy lifestyle" i've been carrying on about
9. i like having shindigs, any excuse to use a fancy serving dish. well, any serving dish.
10. i have a tattoo on my stomach, and used to have a belly ring
11. i like to read PI mystery novels
12. i won declamation in 5th grade for reciting a poem called "Hugs" - i believe said poem came off of a bookmark, or greeting card. (my sister won for JFK's inaugural address - take that over achiever!!)
13. i like to surf fish
14. commercials make me tear up
15. i am EXTREMELY hard on myself
16. i read the twilight series in 4 days, and then re-read them a week later.
1. i have a crossed eye and used to wear big red glasses all through grade school.
2. you can find me on facebook randomly throughout the day
3. i love lilies (preferably star-gazer) and big, old oak trees. and the smell of gardenias, and my kids after a bath. yum.
4. i want to live in a smaller city one day, either by the mountains or the water
5. i love to sing (and unfortunately don't do it well. mason tells me to stop)
6. when my sisters and i get together we are known to frequently quote old movies and laugh, a lot. apparently we do this extremely loudly
7. i love my children, and they make me insane. i want another child. i really want a girl, but will be grateful for another cutie-patootie boy
8. i love to smoke menthol cigarettes, i know this is not conducive to this "healthy lifestyle" i've been carrying on about
9. i like having shindigs, any excuse to use a fancy serving dish. well, any serving dish.
10. i have a tattoo on my stomach, and used to have a belly ring
11. i like to read PI mystery novels
12. i won declamation in 5th grade for reciting a poem called "Hugs" - i believe said poem came off of a bookmark, or greeting card. (my sister won for JFK's inaugural address - take that over achiever!!)
13. i like to surf fish
14. commercials make me tear up
15. i am EXTREMELY hard on myself
16. i read the twilight series in 4 days, and then re-read them a week later.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
hello size 8
so with the risk of sounding extremely vain i am going to gush about the fact that i bought my first pair of size 8 jeans in a loooong time today. there are a couple of reasons why this thrills me. the first being that i am the mother of two and gained 60 & 50 LBs with each pregnancy and haven't seen a size 8 since i was in highschool (and the ten year reunion is coming up this year!). the second and most important for me is the change in lifestyle that this is a result of. the excercise i now nourish my body with on a somewhat regular basis. the better food choices, well sometimes! the fact that i never thought i would be able to make these changes, and have, with some help. its kind of funny that i would feel the need to share this. i guess because i was just telling mike the other day that i think i am a strange breed of woman in the vanity department. i just, well, really don't care too much. the sagging boobs, the stretch marks, my face, my hair. i'm generally happy with what i've been given, don't place TOO much importance on it anyway. don't get me wrong, i like to look nice, be skinny, what have you. it just doesn't keep me up nights, ya know? i guess i should feel blessed, and i do, that at least there is ONE thing i don't obsess about! ;-)
we went to a funeral yesterday for mike's uncle david. he was actually mikes moms' first cousins' husband. i think after 6 years of marriage i am getting some clarity on his family and who's related to who and how, they are a big freakin family. anyway, what i wanted to share was that its been really cool to watch mike, and myself for that matter, grow over the years. an interesting barometer for us has been our mental/emotional state around cottingham family gatherings. they are an educated, succesful & wealthy bunch. the kind of people that i used to feel like a little kid around (well i was/am young, but i mean kiddie table little kid. like 5) anyway to be able to show up shake hands, give hugs, and feel like i actually BELONG! not because i share the same education, or career/financial success. but because i am a human being. just like them. no better, no worse. just people, gods kids. wow. i used to shake going into those kinds of situations. and to have had the oppurtunity to watch my dear husband grow, as well. when i met his mom for the first time i could feel the discomfort around both of them. their relationship was new again and they were learning how to relate to one another in a healthy way. to see that, and to see it now it is nothing short of miraculous. miraculous. so to see him stand tall, not stutter or say 'um' half a dozen times in one sentence is AWESOME! now i can't lie the career/financial success does dazzle me a bit. but hey man, alot of people have ambition that i just don't have. cheers to them!
so they say self esteem comes from doing esteemable things. like showing up for family. things like that. i think its true. when i live only to serve myself i'm not aware of those around me. so i can't "show up" for them. but when i break out of the bubble then i can see you. and me. and actually get to be a part of some super cool things. and then feel pretty cool about myself, and you for that matter, as a result.
we went to a funeral yesterday for mike's uncle david. he was actually mikes moms' first cousins' husband. i think after 6 years of marriage i am getting some clarity on his family and who's related to who and how, they are a big freakin family. anyway, what i wanted to share was that its been really cool to watch mike, and myself for that matter, grow over the years. an interesting barometer for us has been our mental/emotional state around cottingham family gatherings. they are an educated, succesful & wealthy bunch. the kind of people that i used to feel like a little kid around (well i was/am young, but i mean kiddie table little kid. like 5) anyway to be able to show up shake hands, give hugs, and feel like i actually BELONG! not because i share the same education, or career/financial success. but because i am a human being. just like them. no better, no worse. just people, gods kids. wow. i used to shake going into those kinds of situations. and to have had the oppurtunity to watch my dear husband grow, as well. when i met his mom for the first time i could feel the discomfort around both of them. their relationship was new again and they were learning how to relate to one another in a healthy way. to see that, and to see it now it is nothing short of miraculous. miraculous. so to see him stand tall, not stutter or say 'um' half a dozen times in one sentence is AWESOME! now i can't lie the career/financial success does dazzle me a bit. but hey man, alot of people have ambition that i just don't have. cheers to them!
so they say self esteem comes from doing esteemable things. like showing up for family. things like that. i think its true. when i live only to serve myself i'm not aware of those around me. so i can't "show up" for them. but when i break out of the bubble then i can see you. and me. and actually get to be a part of some super cool things. and then feel pretty cool about myself, and you for that matter, as a result.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
a year in review
happy 2009.
i'm not sure if i'm just getting older, more lame or becoming an all around grouch, but this new years eve came & went for me with not much notice. we spent new years day afternoon with some friends eating chili watching the kids play(new friends -a gift from this year).
this year has been good. of course we started it out with our little stephen being born a couple of months earlier. so for me its been about adjusting to becoming a stay at home mom mother of two. i have to say that although it was a difficult transition, i truly enjoyed it. i remember masons first year was much more difficult, more shocking to me. i gues since i was already a mom, when stephen was born i just flowed into it and was able to ENJOY his infancy. this year i've again recommited myself to my recovery, going to meetings consistintly & becoming more of a part of other womens lives. i've met a handfull of ladies in my community with children and we started hanging out & sharing the mommy journey together. the "coffee moms" have been such an important part of this year and easing my transition. i've attempted to slide into a more healthy lifestyle the last several months. actually joining the gym (and going! what a concept!) and attempting to switch from fried to grilled, things of that nature! the LBs are dropping so i must be doing something right, & i really LIKE getting my body moving. i can't say i've ended the year with a bang. i've generally been restless, irritable & discontent. i am grateful to know that this too shall pass, that before great growth usually comes discomfort. so i will keep plugging away at being the best me i can be, apologizing when i fall short & most importantly keep trying to grow in my relationship with god so that those things are possible. more will be revealed!!
mike has had a busy year, as usual, with work and continuing to plug away at school. i think becoming a dad again has been a different experience with #2. afterall with mason he stayed at home for 6 months so he and masons relationship came sure & fast. it took a little longer with stephen. he has most definitley been a momma's boy! but daddys charms cannot be resisted by small children or animals and stephen has fast come under his spell. mike is a rock star with the boys! we followed his dream at the end of this year and started up our own sober living house for recovering alcoholic men. it has been amazing how things have come together for this. finding the PERFECT place, the funds working out, actually getting a few guys in within the first month. its definitley been and will continue to be a walk of faith, and we're walking. so mike has been busy with the guys over there. he's set to graduate in another year or so, i'm sooooo proud of him ofr staying the course even when he has wanted to quit. he works hard for our family and is such a loving husband & the best friend i could ever want. i love you hunny!
mason owen turned four this year, and i have to say that i'm glad year #3 is behind us. it was a tough one. he adjusted VERY well to becoming a big brother. he has always been extremely gentle & loving to him, especially when stephen was very little. it seems the big brother traits are ingrained, not necessarily learned, at least by mason. he immedietely became protective(then in the same breath bossy). he continued at montessori this year, having moved up into the big kid class. i dropped him down from 5 days a week to 3, so he would have more time home with me and brother. the end of last school year was rough, he regressed in many ways behaviorally. i kept him home for the summer. it was awesome & terrible. i so enjoyed just being with him day after day, something i have never done before. it was hard though (on me!) this year mason bagan to learn how to swim & started taking gymnastics. he's made some new great friends and recently has learned to ride a big boy bike. he continues to become his own person and has such a bright, fun personality.
this was stephens first year of life. i cannot believe how big he is already. he is a funny, impatient child. he goes with the flow mostly but when he's not happy he sure lets you know. his smile is electric and although its grown out i will always see him with his hair sticking straight up. it has been such a joy & priveledge to get to stay at home with him this year. to really connect with him, share a rhythm & daily life. he wants to do whatever his big brother is doing and is really a tough little kid. he has recently learned to come down the stairs & slide down a slide solo. we're still not walking but that doesn't deter him from getting to where he wants to go. i look forward to what this year will bring with both of my boys.
so as a family we are growing and learning how to live together & be most effective in one anothers lives. i am so grateful for what i have been blessed with. for my family, for all of you, for health, a roof over our heads, food in my kids bellies (and plenty more in the pantry), for a sane mind & a sense of humor! for awareness, sobriety, love. on and on really, it never ends....
i hoe this year brings harmony, prosperity & love to all!
i'm not sure if i'm just getting older, more lame or becoming an all around grouch, but this new years eve came & went for me with not much notice. we spent new years day afternoon with some friends eating chili watching the kids play(new friends -a gift from this year).
this year has been good. of course we started it out with our little stephen being born a couple of months earlier. so for me its been about adjusting to becoming a stay at home mom mother of two. i have to say that although it was a difficult transition, i truly enjoyed it. i remember masons first year was much more difficult, more shocking to me. i gues since i was already a mom, when stephen was born i just flowed into it and was able to ENJOY his infancy. this year i've again recommited myself to my recovery, going to meetings consistintly & becoming more of a part of other womens lives. i've met a handfull of ladies in my community with children and we started hanging out & sharing the mommy journey together. the "coffee moms" have been such an important part of this year and easing my transition. i've attempted to slide into a more healthy lifestyle the last several months. actually joining the gym (and going! what a concept!) and attempting to switch from fried to grilled, things of that nature! the LBs are dropping so i must be doing something right, & i really LIKE getting my body moving. i can't say i've ended the year with a bang. i've generally been restless, irritable & discontent. i am grateful to know that this too shall pass, that before great growth usually comes discomfort. so i will keep plugging away at being the best me i can be, apologizing when i fall short & most importantly keep trying to grow in my relationship with god so that those things are possible. more will be revealed!!
mike has had a busy year, as usual, with work and continuing to plug away at school. i think becoming a dad again has been a different experience with #2. afterall with mason he stayed at home for 6 months so he and masons relationship came sure & fast. it took a little longer with stephen. he has most definitley been a momma's boy! but daddys charms cannot be resisted by small children or animals and stephen has fast come under his spell. mike is a rock star with the boys! we followed his dream at the end of this year and started up our own sober living house for recovering alcoholic men. it has been amazing how things have come together for this. finding the PERFECT place, the funds working out, actually getting a few guys in within the first month. its definitley been and will continue to be a walk of faith, and we're walking. so mike has been busy with the guys over there. he's set to graduate in another year or so, i'm sooooo proud of him ofr staying the course even when he has wanted to quit. he works hard for our family and is such a loving husband & the best friend i could ever want. i love you hunny!
mason owen turned four this year, and i have to say that i'm glad year #3 is behind us. it was a tough one. he adjusted VERY well to becoming a big brother. he has always been extremely gentle & loving to him, especially when stephen was very little. it seems the big brother traits are ingrained, not necessarily learned, at least by mason. he immedietely became protective(then in the same breath bossy). he continued at montessori this year, having moved up into the big kid class. i dropped him down from 5 days a week to 3, so he would have more time home with me and brother. the end of last school year was rough, he regressed in many ways behaviorally. i kept him home for the summer. it was awesome & terrible. i so enjoyed just being with him day after day, something i have never done before. it was hard though (on me!) this year mason bagan to learn how to swim & started taking gymnastics. he's made some new great friends and recently has learned to ride a big boy bike. he continues to become his own person and has such a bright, fun personality.
this was stephens first year of life. i cannot believe how big he is already. he is a funny, impatient child. he goes with the flow mostly but when he's not happy he sure lets you know. his smile is electric and although its grown out i will always see him with his hair sticking straight up. it has been such a joy & priveledge to get to stay at home with him this year. to really connect with him, share a rhythm & daily life. he wants to do whatever his big brother is doing and is really a tough little kid. he has recently learned to come down the stairs & slide down a slide solo. we're still not walking but that doesn't deter him from getting to where he wants to go. i look forward to what this year will bring with both of my boys.
so as a family we are growing and learning how to live together & be most effective in one anothers lives. i am so grateful for what i have been blessed with. for my family, for all of you, for health, a roof over our heads, food in my kids bellies (and plenty more in the pantry), for a sane mind & a sense of humor! for awareness, sobriety, love. on and on really, it never ends....
i hoe this year brings harmony, prosperity & love to all!
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