loving fall

it is so absolutley beautiful today. clear, warm, breezy.

i've been meaning to write but have been using my spare time attempting to crochet squares to make into a blanket. and of course in true kb fashion i am ocd-ing over it.

obviously we survived hurricane ike. it was a crazy storm, i'm grateful that when it really rolled in at 3 a.m. on saturday the 13th that it had shifted a little north, therefore it was not as strong as it was predicted to be in my area. many neighbors lost roofs, fences, etc. i am grateful that we replaced the roof when we moved in or i know we would have been flooded out like the neighbors on either side of us. driving around town over the last couple of weeks has been absolutley surreal. still at least 500,000 people do not have power-STILL. thank god for the cool fronts that have come in, although i know not cool enough to make houston texas bearable with no a/c or fans. we were among the first 100,000 out of 2+ MILLION people that got power back within a twelve hour period. statistically that blows my mind, should buy a lottery ticket.
the debris has been overwhelming, pictures of galveston and boliver overwhelming. the outpoor of community support, neighbors helping neighbors, overpowering. it occurs to me quite regularly, even at frustrating four way stops, that people are GOOD. many, many people are GOOD.
our close friends and their two children stayed with us for a week, as their power is still not restored. it was a pleasure to be able to be of service to them, but very hard to have guests for so long. mason had a blast with his buddies isaac & elijah and was sad to see them go. though he has a very hard time with variations in his schedule/routine so he was very senstive and had a rough time with it.

i had a mini breakdown in that time period. feeling powerless over my children. which, wow, i am. i am constantly reminded about surrendering to god. that the control that i think i have, i really don't. by surrendering i actually gain power, freedom, choice. i think most importantly freedom. my feelings/reactions have a way of absolutely overpowering me. and I AM NOT EFFECTIVE in ANY way when i am in that place. i can see it in my child, in my husband, in my attitude. its just a constant battle for me. trying to live humbly, asking that his will be done and trying to follow it. i don't always know what the right thing is. but i do often know what the wrong thing is - yelling at my loved ones, slamming cabinets/doors, being irritable & impatient with my 3 year old for being 3, nagging mike, being too hard on myself, not thinking of others. i'm glad there is a learning curve.

my cup runneth over. sometimes its almost too much for me to take. which i know sounds strange, especially when there are so many out there that struggle & fight just to survive. i GET to ponder things, play with my kids, do laundry, clean dishes, clean house (ha!)

the people that are teaching me to grow up have taught me that gratitude is an action. so what the hell am i doing today to show god that i am grateful?