well this past week i (we) have been attempting "sleep training" with stephen. whats led up to this is him waking me up every 2-3 hours. seriously, he slept better when he was 2 months old.
so we've been trying the "cry it out method" - meaning he cries, i wait 5 minutes & then go in and pat him. leave, he cries, wait 7 minutes, go pat. and on and on till he falls asleep.
argh, this sucks. it actually got better at night immediately - he will wake up once or twice but go back to sleep after a few minutes of whining. however now he seems completely traumitized at naptime. so long story short, too late - i quit. i can't handle it. i'll sleep when i'm dead.
this leads me to something i've been thinking/feeling about lately. it all ties into being true to self and doing what i feel is best for me & my kids. which - is hard. especially when i struggle with what that truth is in the first place. i feel like if i could just find the answers within myself i could ask god to give me the courage to follow through. maybe i need to be praying for the appropriate questions to ask?
another thing i've been meditating on is that i'm tired of worrying what other people may think of me. and although thats gotten less and less as i grow more and more, its still there. i'm just not interested in living in that anymore. its exhausting. i want freedom so that i may be the best me i can be, for myself & my family. maybe that will come as i continue to make the best well informed & intuitive/god inspired decisions i can - oh and forgive myself WHEN i fall short.
that probably makes no sense, does to me though. probably one of the most important things i can do is cut myself a brake, i can be soooooooooooo serious......
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If you care what people think about, okay, here it is....I think you're wonderful! You're a great mom and devoted wife...is there anything else that we should all strive to be?
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