first haircut......sniff sniff

i took stephen to get his first haircut today. he was a freaking ROCKSTAR! i will so miss the wild & crazy 'do that he's been sporting for the past few months. my little baby is growing up. he's even been on a daddy kick lately and for the first time did not cry when i dropped him off at school yesterday. time really moves so fast (even when it feels like "its never going to end" when they go through a difficult stage) but really they are only little for such a short period. sigh.

day 2 & gratitude friday

stephen survived his second day of mothers day out, they said he did better than on tuesday. when we were walking into the building and he saw the silly old lady with reindeer antlers on he remembered where he was and started crying. break my heart. he loved going on the buggy ride & he got to see a handbell choir. again i have to reiterate how quickly 5 hours goes by. for me, probably not so much for him.

well, not even a week open & one out of our two clients has already burned off. mike was with him yesterday morning at the house & he seemed fine, then didn't show up in the evening. this is the guy that mike has known for years. cunning, baffling, powerful. it never ceases to amaze me what this disease does to people. again it reiterates to me how much easier it is to stay sober than get sober. i am SO grateful to be where i am today. what are you grateful for?

on a side note in regards to addiction, i have been having thoughts of smoking again (because i'm a nut job! and yes i'm still nursing. shut up) but last night i got new resolve.

i love my kids. they are awesome. stephen has been more chatty lately. he LOVES to say ball, dada, drink, that, cup. now keep in mind this is largely in the language that only mommy & daddy can understand. except for ball. thats clear as day. mason uses words like frustrated, object (in regards to game playing), and now i can't think of them. but often he says things and i'm like, how old are you kid?

step it up

thanksgiving morning we are all sitting on the couch and stephen took his first step on his own. from daddy at one couch over to me at the other. it was so beautiful. it was in slow-mo. i was just starting to say how he is getting better balance and wah-lah. go cookie go.

sleep training

we've begun sleep training again. friday night was a long night, he cried the first round for a little over an hour - we took turns going in every 5ish minutes or so. second time it was under 30 minutes. last night was better - only had to go in once & he barely cried. so wow, they don't lie. it actually works. and he is okay, so far no irreversible trauma has occured. none we can see anyway.

i have decided to start him in a little mothers day out program. i am going in tuesday to register him. so i think he will start next tuesday. every tues & thurs from 9-2. i feel this is a good thing but i feel incredibly GUILTY. because i am afterall a stay at home mom. what kind of a mother am i? plus i don't deserve the time to myself. i should always be DOING DOING DOING. blah blah blah. i think this will be good for him. get him used to being away from me a little bit. will enable me to get some things done for our business without toting around the little guy. i will be able to clean the house, go to the gym, hit a meeting - withouth having to worry about him. that sounds like the life of leisure, that i don't deserve. i'm not sure where i got that idea, but its sucky.

sigh, i still feel guilty. what is it about mothers and guilt? (or this mother anyway) his birthday was nice. we sang happy birthday off and on all day. played with balloons. went to the park. ate cupcakes. i cannot believe he is one! wow, time moves so fast.

on another note we went by the house today to drop off a dresser i bought this week - and i forgot HOW AB FAB IT IS GOING TO BE AS A HALFWAY HOUSE!! holy crap. it is so incredibly perfect! i dropped fliers in the mail last week announcing its openeing on december 1st and have every day been giving it up to God-well trying to. if we build it, they will come. right? we will have a client beginning the 1st, a friend of mikes get out of treatment on the first, and will be moving in. (assuming he doesn't twist off in the meantime. which, lets face it, who the hell knows)

so i feel good about that, still so much to do. so much.

here's to another week. grateful i am alive to experience it. found out this a.m. a member of a group i go to passed away on wednesday. he was sober 35 years and died due to complications related to a brain surgery he had. he was an interesting bird. he seemed okay with himself, his family, with God.
we'll miss you Jim Moon.

dear stephen

happy birthday my sweet boy. i cannot believe that you have already been in my life for one year. you are my little mamma's boy. it is difficult for me at times because i feel as if i am not satisfying your needs because you whine & cry quite often with me but play happily with your dad. that is ok, we are who we are and i love the relationship that we have. you wake me up still several times a night. this makes me nuts!! however i see the beauty in it, that what you want is to be close to me, to be comforted back to sleep. i'm sorry to tell you that we are starting sleep training again tonight. it will be a rough few days, but i think you are ready to learn to calm yourself. i think this is important, i think your rest will be better and you won' be so tired in the morning. still through the no sleep & clingy-ness you bring so much joy to my life. you love to play peek-aboo, "donk" with your brother & dad, to be tickled, to climb the stairs, take baths, to be outside. your laugh & gap toothed smile is infectious. you are so smart! when you are mad you pout and scream (loudly in a high pitch). you sometimes pinch and swat too, which we are taking care of! you like playing with your baby friends, especially the bigger ones!
a year ago today i was waiting to hear from the hospital that it was okay for me to be induced. i scheduled induction so that i could arrange for mimi to watch brother and have the help she needed on hand. finally at around 4:00 we were told it was okay to go in. we spent the day together, went on a walk, daddy ate chinese food - i STARVED! daddy & i were so excited, we couldn't wait to meet you. having mason was the best thing either of us had ever done, we loved him so much and could not wait to experience life with two loves like that, not to mention the love we have for one another. so we went to the hospital, everyone thought we were crazy for beginning so late in the day. but we did. labor was pretty quick, all in all about 5 hours. you were born around 11:30 in the evening. mimi was a little disappointed, she wanted you to come out after midnight so yall would share a birthday.
when i first saw you i thought how much you looked like mason when he was a baby. looking at pictures now i don't know that you did. i loved you instantly. i wasn't sure what to expect, when mason was born it took some time for me to adjust to the fact that i was a mommy and he was mine. i guess since i was already a mom it was instantaneous with you being the second. you had flat ears and long sideburns, daddy & i giggled. i felt great! although tired i was ready to go home & we did a day later. mason came to meet you in the hospital and was so gentle & loving. i think that is my most favorite memory up to that time, seeing him hold you & smile. sinced then there have been many times that yall are playing or hugging or laughing, that i feel love for you both & this life so strongly that, well i'm not sure what. but its better than anything else in the world.
so long story short, you are awesome. absolutely amazing. i am so grateful that you are my kid, that we get to be together as much as we do. that our family has one another, forever.
i love you
mama

rantings of a mad suburban mommy

stephen and i spent 2 hours up in the emergency room at methodist hospital. i'm so glad i don't live in the city anymore - it would have been 3 times that i'm sure.
anyway, when i changed his diaper at 6:00 his penis was swollen & bleeding and VERY UPSETTING TO LOOK AT, REALLY. ITS HIS PENIS MAN. so long story short, per the er doc this is normal as a result of his re-circ. you bet your ass i'm calling dr. gonzalez first thing monday. maybe even page him today. pls note the nurse practitioner paged the on call doctor in his practice & we waited 45 mins and did not hear back. WTF? if you are on call should you not call back?? i'm going to stop there b/c getting pissed off doesn't help.

back to the er, i almost was that crazy lady screaming "why won't anybody help me?!?" but i kept my cool, barely, and contained the tears until the lady got me the lady to take me back & assess stephen. ITS HIS PENIS. i hate this. my little sweet angel baby is ok.

then all of this gets me thinking again about our healthcare system. what mikes company pays monthly, what my frigging copays & deductibles are. and holy crap our system is BROKEN. when oh when oh when will something be done?????
please god help the politicians to do the right things by us. what the crap is so wrong with socialized medicine?? god forbid EVERY MAN WOMAN & CHILD GETS QUALITY MEDICAL TREATMENT WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT HOW THEY WILL BUY FOOD. i will lay off the caps now. we're only "the greatest country in the world" and people are starving, homeless, dying literally in the streets. when will "WE" realize that there IS a war going on - here. right here. that all of these people are not just lazy, stupid, CHOOSING these lives (ok, i lied about the caps) that we need social programs, we need to help educate so people do have a way out.
holy crap, maybe i do belong in social work. i am so fortunate to have the life i have. i can pay my $100 copay without worry. i am the minority on this!! most of you too are. what are we going to do about this??? i can only pretend for so long that its not happening. yes, i am voting. that is not enough. it is so frustrating.
these presidential candidates better stick by what they say, regardless of who is elected i've been listening to their promises. and the really sad thing is, even if my guy wins i doubt he will do what he says he will. even if he wanted to all of the BS that goes on in "washington" is it possible to really make change???
show me the money baby. i'm watching and waiting.

home now

everything went fine. it was a LONG day. he was a trooper. he started to get pretty fussy when the doctor ran an hour over but i was able to distract him enough for it to not get too bad, for him & everyone else. he was hungry, i was hungry. he was not allowed to eat, i couldn't bring myself to in his presence.

i DO NOT LIKE seeing my child on pain medication & then doped asleep. (he sure was enjoying the leaves hanging from the ceiling when the initial pain meds kicked in!) he was so uncomfortable when he came to. it is truly a powerless feeling watching your baby being carried away by 2 complete strangers down a long white hall toward uncertainty. ok, i know. it was a basic procedure. but anything can happen.

another awful thing is watching all of the other parents & children in and around the hospital. i am so very grateful for the health of my children. so many have such great struggle, i will not even pretend that i have the right to imagine what they must go through, day in and day out with their suffering children. i get goosebumps just thinking about it.

so now hopefully my son will have a beautifully circumsized penis! kind of makes me re-think circumcision at all. (let me not even mention the deductible we have to meet to pay for this "procedure") but if i have another boy i'll do it again, he can't be different from the other boys in the house!

did i mention my gratitude for my childrens health?????

is it election day yet???

i can't take it anymore. i told myself i was done with political news coverage (which of course would include the debates) but i am a glutton for punishment. i am watching. let me just say i know who i'm voting for. i feel strongly about it. there is no sway in this voter. BOTH of these guys are killing me. i'm over it - please november 4th get here.
if you are not like i, if you are an undecided, if you are not planning on voting - i'm not even going to plug my guy - please do some research and go rock the vote.

i haven't had the drive to write as much lately. i've been doing some other things with my free time so haven't taken the few mintues to check in. stephen turned 11 months old yesterday. he is pulling up and taking steps. still is a big ole pain in my you know what in regards to eating. i do not know where he gets his picky nature from, the rest of us will eat pretty much whatever you put in front of us. we have started doing some sleep training again and its actually working, a little bit. still having to pat him a couple/few times a night. cannot believe he is almost one year old. wow.

mike has gout. yes gout. he went to the doctor today because he thought he broke his foot. poor thing, should be better in 24-36 hours. crazy.

off to bed.

10 months

ago today, right now, i was in labor with stephen. he is doing awesome. i think he may be working on another tooth because he is biting ALOT! its a constant struggle to get him to eat anything (except the boobie) he's still waking me up 2-3 times per night. he is crawling around on his bottom and pulling himself up on the couch. he likes to clap and play peek-a-boo. most of all he loves to play with his brother, sometimes mason obliges him.
me, well, i'm tired. all of us except mason has been sick this last week and are still fighting it. i've still managed to get my butt to the gym a couple of times which has felt really nice. i think i finally get it. going to the gym is a way that i can get some time to myself! why didn't you people tell me that, thats a language i speak! what else?
oh, we closed on the house last friday. so we have two tenants and are in the planning stages of our halfway house, wich at the latest will start up next summer when our tentants leases are up.
mason started school two weeks ago and has done really well transitioning back. the only negative is that naptime is increasingly being a struggle. and he won't do it at school, he's just not tired before 2, and thats when i pick him up. at home i try every form of bribery/threatening/deception available to get him to stay in his room for an hour.
booh hiss, i LOVE nap time. stephen and i have enjoyed our time at home together when mason is at school.

its official

stephen is mobile - he is scooching around on his bottom, getting from a to b. i left him in the den while i cleaned the kitchen this morning (yes i cleaned the kitchen, not just the floor either-the counters, cabinets, etc.) and he made it all the way around the couch to the other end of room. apparently he almost pulled a lamp down on his head as i noticed it half dangling off of the table just now :-) man they'll let anyone be a parent. its a whole new ballgame from here on out.
he and mason also entertaned themselves while i cleaned for almost an hour, thats good stuff.

mason starts back school tomorrow, i'm excited for him (yeah and for me too!!)

now i have shocking news. anyone that knows me knows i view exercise as a four letter word, especially the "gym workout" i can handle the walking/running around the neighborhood but the other stuff freaks me out. not just because i am lazy, but don't get me wrong, I AM LAZZYYY.....
but because i think i'm intimidated by the whole gym "scene"(this coming from a lady whose never worked out in a gym) gotta love the contempt prior to investigation. anyway we joined a gym today. my goals: to swim some of this "baby weight" off, maybe take a yoga class, and most of all help my family & myself live a more active lifestyle. on that note i've been walking to the mailbox (no smart ass whoever you are - i know you're out there, not to the end of my driveway) but two streets away.
go team cottingham

milestones

mr. stephen has really been doing some cool stuff lately. first of all he has learned to sit up from a lying position all by himself, he has been trying to pull up to a standing postion, he has been clapping, waving, feeding himself finger foods and helping mommy turn the pages of books when we read.
whew - this all just in the last couple of weeks. they grow so fast.....

regarding my obsessing about his sleep in the previous post, i have to remind myself that every "rough patch" we have been throgh with mason, we have survived. usually better than i thought we would.

so there is my dose of hope for the day.

"sleep training"

well this past week i (we) have been attempting "sleep training" with stephen. whats led up to this is him waking me up every 2-3 hours. seriously, he slept better when he was 2 months old.
so we've been trying the "cry it out method" - meaning he cries, i wait 5 minutes & then go in and pat him. leave, he cries, wait 7 minutes, go pat. and on and on till he falls asleep.
argh, this sucks. it actually got better at night immediately - he will wake up once or twice but go back to sleep after a few minutes of whining. however now he seems completely traumitized at naptime. so long story short, too late - i quit. i can't handle it. i'll sleep when i'm dead.

this leads me to something i've been thinking/feeling about lately. it all ties into being true to self and doing what i feel is best for me & my kids. which - is hard. especially when i struggle with what that truth is in the first place. i feel like if i could just find the answers within myself i could ask god to give me the courage to follow through. maybe i need to be praying for the appropriate questions to ask?

another thing i've been meditating on is that i'm tired of worrying what other people may think of me. and although thats gotten less and less as i grow more and more, its still there. i'm just not interested in living in that anymore. its exhausting. i want freedom so that i may be the best me i can be, for myself & my family. maybe that will come as i continue to make the best well informed & intuitive/god inspired decisions i can - oh and forgive myself WHEN i fall short.

that probably makes no sense, does to me though. probably one of the most important things i can do is cut myself a brake, i can be soooooooooooo serious......

stc update

well stephen made the beloved sounds - mama.
and it was pointed out that i didn't share that he's been saying dada for weeks now :-)
so d's, m's, r's, k's, g's, b's - i love his little voice.

stephen

one more post for today - stephen turned 8 months old monday. his newest accomplishments are sitting up and rolling around to get where he wants to go. his hair still sticks straight up and he still wants to be in the middle of everything. he's alot of fun. i took him to see a urologist yesterday, his circumcision was kind of botched so he is having to have a procedure to correct it. its perfectly routine, the only thing is he has to have anesthesia(sp?), which i'm not thrilled about. we will probably wait until he is closer to a year old, the doc thinks its best not to wait too long. its purely a cosmetic thing, but i want him to have a perfect penis, because lets face it one day it will be very important to him!

i'm grateful today for the health of my children, myself, my husband, our families, friends, our home, full bellies, warm(well i guess cool)beds.

been awhile

its been awhile since i've posted because, well, having two children at home is work man.

the kids are doing great. me, i have my moments, but doing well.

stephen is getting so big. he's been working on sitting up and been saying "gah" & "gak". he's more effecient at rolling to get around, still no signs of intentions to crawl. mason was the same way, he never properly crawled even, just the army drag.

mason is a character. his imagination gets more vivid every day. he started gymnastics two weeks ago and really seems to like it. i've had him out of swim lessons, although we've been going to the pool, since may but he starts back up in july.

we've been having a good time, although some days are, as mike would say, all about passing time. which sounds kind of bad but hey lets face it, some days are like survival.

thats all for now...

stephen is 6 months old

i cannot believe that he has already been here for 6 months. it feels like just yesterday that he was born, but also that he has always been in my life. we went for his checkup, little man has not even gained a pound in 2 months, yet has grown over 2 inches taller. i was not suprised about his height but very much so about his weight. since we are starting solids twice a day now i think his weight should catch up some. he enjoys hanging out with his brother, rolling around on the floor and most of all kicking his legs. he has four teeth now and, oh, he likes to give kisses, which can sometimes be in the form of biting your face - hard! he is awesome, thats really the best word for him.

mason is doing well, only two more weeks until summer vacation! i've got a lot of fun stuff planned, it will be nice to have him around every day. we went over to a friends house today after school and he jumped on a trampoline for the first time - and loved it of course. i love that he already has playmates that he gets to spend time with outside of school. i can't say enough how i love being home with the kiddos - now if i can just figure out how to get the house cleaned every week that would be good!

mothers day is sunday and we are going to go check out a farmers market where you can go strawberry picking - we hear there is fabulous inexpensive produce, as well. mikes mom and possibly his brother will be joining us, its always good to be around family.

Stephen Thompson

number 2 is perfect. born november 7th 2007 at 11:19 p.m. weighing in at 8lbs 1 oz and 20" long. labor was pretty short and sweet, after induction only took about five hours (yes we are the crazy people who got induced at 5 in the evening!)
to me he was the spitting image of his big brother, though now at almost 8 weeks old has definitely taken on his own characteristics. he is a happy baby, taking exception for this cold he has had for over a week now.
he began smiling a couple of weeks ago which is so much fun to see.
we couldn't be happier. (well i could with a little more sleep)