stephen and i spent 2 hours up in the emergency room at methodist hospital. i'm so glad i don't live in the city anymore - it would have been 3 times that i'm sure.
anyway, when i changed his diaper at 6:00 his penis was swollen & bleeding and VERY UPSETTING TO LOOK AT, REALLY. ITS HIS PENIS MAN. so long story short, per the er doc this is normal as a result of his re-circ. you bet your ass i'm calling dr. gonzalez first thing monday. maybe even page him today. pls note the nurse practitioner paged the on call doctor in his practice & we waited 45 mins and did not hear back. WTF? if you are on call should you not call back?? i'm going to stop there b/c getting pissed off doesn't help.
back to the er, i almost was that crazy lady screaming "why won't anybody help me?!?" but i kept my cool, barely, and contained the tears until the lady got me the lady to take me back & assess stephen. ITS HIS PENIS. i hate this. my little sweet angel baby is ok.
then all of this gets me thinking again about our healthcare system. what mikes company pays monthly, what my frigging copays & deductibles are. and holy crap our system is BROKEN. when oh when oh when will something be done?????
please god help the politicians to do the right things by us. what the crap is so wrong with socialized medicine?? god forbid EVERY MAN WOMAN & CHILD GETS QUALITY MEDICAL TREATMENT WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT HOW THEY WILL BUY FOOD. i will lay off the caps now. we're only "the greatest country in the world" and people are starving, homeless, dying literally in the streets. when will "WE" realize that there IS a war going on - here. right here. that all of these people are not just lazy, stupid, CHOOSING these lives (ok, i lied about the caps) that we need social programs, we need to help educate so people do have a way out.
holy crap, maybe i do belong in social work. i am so fortunate to have the life i have. i can pay my $100 copay without worry. i am the minority on this!! most of you too are. what are we going to do about this??? i can only pretend for so long that its not happening. yes, i am voting. that is not enough. it is so frustrating.
these presidential candidates better stick by what they say, regardless of who is elected i've been listening to their promises. and the really sad thing is, even if my guy wins i doubt he will do what he says he will. even if he wanted to all of the BS that goes on in "washington" is it possible to really make change???
show me the money baby. i'm watching and waiting.
Showing posts with label mommy insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mommy insanity. Show all posts
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
loving fall
it is so absolutley beautiful today. clear, warm, breezy.
i've been meaning to write but have been using my spare time attempting to crochet squares to make into a blanket. and of course in true kb fashion i am ocd-ing over it.
obviously we survived hurricane ike. it was a crazy storm, i'm grateful that when it really rolled in at 3 a.m. on saturday the 13th that it had shifted a little north, therefore it was not as strong as it was predicted to be in my area. many neighbors lost roofs, fences, etc. i am grateful that we replaced the roof when we moved in or i know we would have been flooded out like the neighbors on either side of us. driving around town over the last couple of weeks has been absolutley surreal. still at least 500,000 people do not have power-STILL. thank god for the cool fronts that have come in, although i know not cool enough to make houston texas bearable with no a/c or fans. we were among the first 100,000 out of 2+ MILLION people that got power back within a twelve hour period. statistically that blows my mind, should buy a lottery ticket.
the debris has been overwhelming, pictures of galveston and boliver overwhelming. the outpoor of community support, neighbors helping neighbors, overpowering. it occurs to me quite regularly, even at frustrating four way stops, that people are GOOD. many, many people are GOOD.
our close friends and their two children stayed with us for a week, as their power is still not restored. it was a pleasure to be able to be of service to them, but very hard to have guests for so long. mason had a blast with his buddies isaac & elijah and was sad to see them go. though he has a very hard time with variations in his schedule/routine so he was very senstive and had a rough time with it.
i had a mini breakdown in that time period. feeling powerless over my children. which, wow, i am. i am constantly reminded about surrendering to god. that the control that i think i have, i really don't. by surrendering i actually gain power, freedom, choice. i think most importantly freedom. my feelings/reactions have a way of absolutely overpowering me. and I AM NOT EFFECTIVE in ANY way when i am in that place. i can see it in my child, in my husband, in my attitude. its just a constant battle for me. trying to live humbly, asking that his will be done and trying to follow it. i don't always know what the right thing is. but i do often know what the wrong thing is - yelling at my loved ones, slamming cabinets/doors, being irritable & impatient with my 3 year old for being 3, nagging mike, being too hard on myself, not thinking of others. i'm glad there is a learning curve.
my cup runneth over. sometimes its almost too much for me to take. which i know sounds strange, especially when there are so many out there that struggle & fight just to survive. i GET to ponder things, play with my kids, do laundry, clean dishes, clean house (ha!)
the people that are teaching me to grow up have taught me that gratitude is an action. so what the hell am i doing today to show god that i am grateful?
i've been meaning to write but have been using my spare time attempting to crochet squares to make into a blanket. and of course in true kb fashion i am ocd-ing over it.
obviously we survived hurricane ike. it was a crazy storm, i'm grateful that when it really rolled in at 3 a.m. on saturday the 13th that it had shifted a little north, therefore it was not as strong as it was predicted to be in my area. many neighbors lost roofs, fences, etc. i am grateful that we replaced the roof when we moved in or i know we would have been flooded out like the neighbors on either side of us. driving around town over the last couple of weeks has been absolutley surreal. still at least 500,000 people do not have power-STILL. thank god for the cool fronts that have come in, although i know not cool enough to make houston texas bearable with no a/c or fans. we were among the first 100,000 out of 2+ MILLION people that got power back within a twelve hour period. statistically that blows my mind, should buy a lottery ticket.
the debris has been overwhelming, pictures of galveston and boliver overwhelming. the outpoor of community support, neighbors helping neighbors, overpowering. it occurs to me quite regularly, even at frustrating four way stops, that people are GOOD. many, many people are GOOD.
our close friends and their two children stayed with us for a week, as their power is still not restored. it was a pleasure to be able to be of service to them, but very hard to have guests for so long. mason had a blast with his buddies isaac & elijah and was sad to see them go. though he has a very hard time with variations in his schedule/routine so he was very senstive and had a rough time with it.
i had a mini breakdown in that time period. feeling powerless over my children. which, wow, i am. i am constantly reminded about surrendering to god. that the control that i think i have, i really don't. by surrendering i actually gain power, freedom, choice. i think most importantly freedom. my feelings/reactions have a way of absolutely overpowering me. and I AM NOT EFFECTIVE in ANY way when i am in that place. i can see it in my child, in my husband, in my attitude. its just a constant battle for me. trying to live humbly, asking that his will be done and trying to follow it. i don't always know what the right thing is. but i do often know what the wrong thing is - yelling at my loved ones, slamming cabinets/doors, being irritable & impatient with my 3 year old for being 3, nagging mike, being too hard on myself, not thinking of others. i'm glad there is a learning curve.
my cup runneth over. sometimes its almost too much for me to take. which i know sounds strange, especially when there are so many out there that struggle & fight just to survive. i GET to ponder things, play with my kids, do laundry, clean dishes, clean house (ha!)
the people that are teaching me to grow up have taught me that gratitude is an action. so what the hell am i doing today to show god that i am grateful?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
"sleep training"
well this past week i (we) have been attempting "sleep training" with stephen. whats led up to this is him waking me up every 2-3 hours. seriously, he slept better when he was 2 months old.
so we've been trying the "cry it out method" - meaning he cries, i wait 5 minutes & then go in and pat him. leave, he cries, wait 7 minutes, go pat. and on and on till he falls asleep.
argh, this sucks. it actually got better at night immediately - he will wake up once or twice but go back to sleep after a few minutes of whining. however now he seems completely traumitized at naptime. so long story short, too late - i quit. i can't handle it. i'll sleep when i'm dead.
this leads me to something i've been thinking/feeling about lately. it all ties into being true to self and doing what i feel is best for me & my kids. which - is hard. especially when i struggle with what that truth is in the first place. i feel like if i could just find the answers within myself i could ask god to give me the courage to follow through. maybe i need to be praying for the appropriate questions to ask?
another thing i've been meditating on is that i'm tired of worrying what other people may think of me. and although thats gotten less and less as i grow more and more, its still there. i'm just not interested in living in that anymore. its exhausting. i want freedom so that i may be the best me i can be, for myself & my family. maybe that will come as i continue to make the best well informed & intuitive/god inspired decisions i can - oh and forgive myself WHEN i fall short.
that probably makes no sense, does to me though. probably one of the most important things i can do is cut myself a brake, i can be soooooooooooo serious......
so we've been trying the "cry it out method" - meaning he cries, i wait 5 minutes & then go in and pat him. leave, he cries, wait 7 minutes, go pat. and on and on till he falls asleep.
argh, this sucks. it actually got better at night immediately - he will wake up once or twice but go back to sleep after a few minutes of whining. however now he seems completely traumitized at naptime. so long story short, too late - i quit. i can't handle it. i'll sleep when i'm dead.
this leads me to something i've been thinking/feeling about lately. it all ties into being true to self and doing what i feel is best for me & my kids. which - is hard. especially when i struggle with what that truth is in the first place. i feel like if i could just find the answers within myself i could ask god to give me the courage to follow through. maybe i need to be praying for the appropriate questions to ask?
another thing i've been meditating on is that i'm tired of worrying what other people may think of me. and although thats gotten less and less as i grow more and more, its still there. i'm just not interested in living in that anymore. its exhausting. i want freedom so that i may be the best me i can be, for myself & my family. maybe that will come as i continue to make the best well informed & intuitive/god inspired decisions i can - oh and forgive myself WHEN i fall short.
that probably makes no sense, does to me though. probably one of the most important things i can do is cut myself a brake, i can be soooooooooooo serious......
Friday, July 11, 2008
week from hell
hallelujah, it is over. it has been awful, not because anything was any different than it was last week. i just reached overload i think. i have a cold, stephen has a cold, i've had some not so fun drama with my sister, don't get enough sleep, it was the anniversary of my dads death, i was preparing for mike to leave for the weekend to fish, etc...
i need to get better at taking time for myself, especially for the remainder of the summer while mason is home. i have this mommy/wifey guilt crap that i should be home - thats crazy i am home plenty, thank you. i do not know how women stay home full time with 2, 3, 4 dear god 5....... kids. i salute you, you are more woman than i.
i got a much needed break this a.m., mike took mason over to his moms this morning before work and she brought him home around 1. i am a new woman, its amazing what 6 hours can do.
so i am going to touch on some of the aforementioned points - the first being my dad. he died 9 years ago at the age of 47 due to diabetes related illness. wow, 9 years, i can't believe it. 47 years young, i was 18. i often wonder what it would be like to have a dad as an adult, what type of relationship we would have. one thing i know for certain is that he would have LOVED having two grandsons. poor guy had three daughters (he let us put barette's in his hair when we were little - that really says something about a man i think) and for most of his life was even stuck with all girl dogs, until hank came along - who was a teacup yorkie, by the way. he died at the beginning of the end of my downward spiral into drug addiction & alcoholism, i attribute part of me being able to get sober so young to the pain i felt after he was gone. so, i miss him. alot. i love you dad, wish i could have gotten to know you more.
mike is off fishing this weekend - its him and four of his buddies on boliver peninsula in a little one bedroom house. and let me just say his buddies are big guys, i don't even want to imagine the snoring (and god knows what else) that will be taking place the next two nights. i hope they catch fish, they never catch anything.....
so me and my two guys at home taking it easy, right now the silence is very nice.
the next thing is the drama-rama with my sister. i think what i will say about that is sometimes it is so hard to know what, how & when to say things to the people i love. i struggle with personal integrity & authenticity and really is it any of my freakin business in the first place. so i had a difficult conversation with one of the most near & dear people in my life and essentially told her i can't have a relationship with her right now, i just don't know how. so i'm praying alot and trying to let go because i am indeed powerless over her life. i hope she knows that if she ever really needs me i will always be there, that i love her deeply and think she is beautiful and completely worthy of a happy, peaceful, awesome life. i don't know if you read my blog, i hope you do.
so i'm sad and i miss my big sister.
i need to get better at taking time for myself, especially for the remainder of the summer while mason is home. i have this mommy/wifey guilt crap that i should be home - thats crazy i am home plenty, thank you. i do not know how women stay home full time with 2, 3, 4 dear god 5....... kids. i salute you, you are more woman than i.
i got a much needed break this a.m., mike took mason over to his moms this morning before work and she brought him home around 1. i am a new woman, its amazing what 6 hours can do.
so i am going to touch on some of the aforementioned points - the first being my dad. he died 9 years ago at the age of 47 due to diabetes related illness. wow, 9 years, i can't believe it. 47 years young, i was 18. i often wonder what it would be like to have a dad as an adult, what type of relationship we would have. one thing i know for certain is that he would have LOVED having two grandsons. poor guy had three daughters (he let us put barette's in his hair when we were little - that really says something about a man i think) and for most of his life was even stuck with all girl dogs, until hank came along - who was a teacup yorkie, by the way. he died at the beginning of the end of my downward spiral into drug addiction & alcoholism, i attribute part of me being able to get sober so young to the pain i felt after he was gone. so, i miss him. alot. i love you dad, wish i could have gotten to know you more.
mike is off fishing this weekend - its him and four of his buddies on boliver peninsula in a little one bedroom house. and let me just say his buddies are big guys, i don't even want to imagine the snoring (and god knows what else) that will be taking place the next two nights. i hope they catch fish, they never catch anything.....
so me and my two guys at home taking it easy, right now the silence is very nice.
the next thing is the drama-rama with my sister. i think what i will say about that is sometimes it is so hard to know what, how & when to say things to the people i love. i struggle with personal integrity & authenticity and really is it any of my freakin business in the first place. so i had a difficult conversation with one of the most near & dear people in my life and essentially told her i can't have a relationship with her right now, i just don't know how. so i'm praying alot and trying to let go because i am indeed powerless over her life. i hope she knows that if she ever really needs me i will always be there, that i love her deeply and think she is beautiful and completely worthy of a happy, peaceful, awesome life. i don't know if you read my blog, i hope you do.
so i'm sad and i miss my big sister.
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